I'm moving to Dreamwidth!

http://rainwaterspark.dreamwidth.org

Since April was a haze of rushing to finish my law school requirements and stuff, I totally missed out on the changes to LJ's ToS, and since I often review queer fiction/talk about asexual issues, I was worried about my LJ getting deleted or something because of that. (Also, I'd wanted a name change for my journal forever, but didn't want to shell out the $$ to change it.)

I'll keep this LJ as a backup/record. I've imported all of my entries, though on DW I'm deleting a few (seriously only a few) entries that I regret writing.

EDIT: Forgot to add that I'll still be cross-posting here, for the time being.

Here is the thing about depression: Being depressed means you don't have the same capacity for dealing with bad stuff as you can when you're mentally healthy. It still amazes me to this day that I can bounce back within a few hours of feeling down about something, whereas I know that when I was depressed, it would have been the end of the world.

(I never take that for granted, because I always live being afraid that depression can rear its head again some time in my future.)

So...it's been hard for me to deal with the fact that I've had a lot of marketing failures for my first (published) novel. But at this point, I know I have to look ahead. I'll always love that novel so much, because of how personal it is to me, but I can't force other people to read or like it. I can only control my writing career going forward.

I like making lists when I have a lot of things on my mind, so here it is:

1. Apply to new day job(s). I'm in a bit of a pickle recently because my current employment situation has turned south very fast. This *should* be my number one priority at the moment.

2. Finish Novel #3. As I mentioned before, I'm gearing up to use this one to foray back in the world of traditional publishing and querying agents. And I think--I *hope*--that I have something special enough to catch their attention. First, though, I have to polish this manuscript to make it shine in time for April.

3. Decide on my next big novel project. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be thinking about this while I'm in the editing stage for another big novel...but dammit, I want to be prepared in case Novel #3 also gets rejected by tradpub. And I have two promising ideas that should be absolutely suited for tradpub. I just have to decide which one of them I want to focus on.

4. Work on another M/M romance as a Wattpad project?? I've mentioned before that I do not see myself being able to develop my career in continuing to write queer romance. Also, I'm wary about trying to publish a queer book with a trans lead knowing that I cannot ever be out as anything other than cis (plus my gender is kind of a big question mark that I'm not sure I'll be able to resolve, anyway). But I've gotten an intriguing idea recently that I am interested in playing with. So, the solution I've come up with is to work on this story casually, as something to do when I need a mental break from other things, and post it on somewhere like Wattpad or AO3.

...The problem is that I am absolutely terrible at writing stories serially. X'D I'm the kind of writer who treats initial drafts as opportunities to further think through the story by writing; I'm also the kind of writer who generally writes out of order and needs to do a ton of editing to flesh out details/correct inconsistencies. I guess I could write a coherent draft and then post chapters as I edit them, but that seems like a *little* bit more of a time commitment than I'm ready for with what's intended to be a public domain story. Eh, we'll have to see.

And that's my plan for right now! (Watch a new story idea come along next week and throw a wrench into everything, though...)

In 2018, I barely wrote anything. It's partially understandable because I spent a lot of 2018 studying for standardized exams. I did expand a bit on Novel #2 to make it novel-length, and I wrote about 20k words on a Romeo and Juliet retelling that ended up not going anywhere. I started freaking out due to having months of writer's block, though at the end of the year, I started working on some new projects that I was hopeful I could finish.

2019, so far, has been the exact opposite.

It almost feels as though my brain has decided to make up for the "drought" of 2018 by spitting so many ideas at me. Too many to keep up. On top of those WIPs from the end of 2018, I wrote and am editing a novel that looks like it's going to hit 60k, and then my brain has been like "How about space sci-fi? Oh, and how about a contemporary romance with a trans character?"

Seriously. I. Can't. Keep. Up.

It's honestly a bit exhausting, because when I get a new idea, I usually crest on a bit of a "high" while I tinker with it, until I can decide whether to finish it for not. And as I've said in a previous entry, I'd really rather try to steer away from writing adult queer romance anymore (I say, as I continuously fight the tidal urge to write more M/M romances).

From a logical standpoint, I have to focus on editing Novel #3, my 58k book that will probably break 60k once I'm done editing, so I can get it ready for more beta readers and for pitching during #DVpit in April. Everything else can wait until after.

But after...i'm no longer sure what to focus on. My (unfortunately) neglected YA fantasy from the end of 2018? The new space sci-fi idea (possibly YA, though I originally formulated it as Adult) kicking around in my head? Something else entirely, given the pace at which my brain keeps spitting ideas at me???

Sigh.

(Trigger warning: The following post discusses sexual assault used as a plot device, and the specific example of sexual assault comes from a book that features childhood sexual assault between an adopted parent and child. If any of this is triggering for you, please take care of yourself.)

Previously, there has been heavy criticism of men who use sexual assault of women to motivate male protagonists. Nowadays, sexual assault is used in other ways—by women and nonbinary authors, of male characters, in ways claimed to be #ownvoices narratives.

But in my experience as a reader, by and large, sexual assault narratives still lean heavily on “shock factor” presentation, often to shock both the reader and the survivor’s love interest.

Let's talk about The Fever King by Victoria Lee (which I read early courtesy of Amazon First Reads).

( See TWs above. Also, spoilers, even though I don't believe sexual assault/CSA should ever be treated as spoiler content.Collapse )

#PersuasionWIP: 56k / 60k words

I just added a chapter, but I'm conflicted about whether it's been integrated properly or whether it breaks up the flow. T_T

At least my beta reader should be starting soon, so I'll be able to get a second opinion!

#PersuasionWIP: 53k

I'm fairly confident now that the final draft can reach 60k.

I took a day off for a "brain cleanse" by working on—of all things—a Captain America fanfic (I legit haven't written one of those in years), and it worked wonders. Now I'm all refreshed and ready to dive back into my manuscript.

I'm still waiting for my beta reader to help me fill in the remaining plot gaps, but right now I'm trying to flesh out some of the details and dig deeper into the characters' emotions.

#PersuasionWIP: 52k / 60k words

So...technically, there are still a few holes left to fill for this to be a "complete" first draft.

And I might want to add another chapter.

But I think I've reached the point at which I'm so burned out and exhausted that I'll call this "finished for now."

So...YAY I FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT!

I'm going to take a break for a few days, and then possibly do a little editing. Mostly, though, I'm waiting for my beta reader to become available so they can help me patch up the big holes and give me their big-picture thoughts so I can be confident I've actually accomplished what I set out to do.

#PersuasionWIP: 51k / 60k

I DID IT. I GOT PAST 50K!

I'm not confident about reaching 60k, though most of my novels elongate by quite a lot during the editing stage, so I guess anything is possible!

(My guess is the first draft will wrap up somewhere between 52-55k.)

#PersuasionWIP: 45k / 50-60k

I'm. So. Freaking. Close.

50k. 50k is my target for the first draft.

If it goes over that, I will be *ecstatic*.

I want to hope I can finish/get close to finishing over the weekend, but Other Obligations may arise...and next weekend, my sister is visiting, so I dunno.

SOON. I HOPE.

#PerusasionWIP: 42k / 50-60k

Still doing the final push to wrap up the first draft for beta readers. Still not sure if the final thing can manage to break 60k.

I'd be more confident that I could wrap up the story quickly if I had like, a week off from work. T_T